don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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