My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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