I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
