Cold hands, warm shart.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize