So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I believe in your delicious
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
