if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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