The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So many bounce houses so little time
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
