He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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