I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
