My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
