My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
