What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I need to stop coming to work sober
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
