Got a toothbrush?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
