I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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