SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
