the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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