and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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