when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
