I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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