Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize