i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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