I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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