I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
