The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
