He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
