i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never joke about your clitoris.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
