i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
