we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
