you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
