I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize