I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
