Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize