billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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