My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i have two assholes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
