Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
