Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize