Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
