you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
