used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
