Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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