I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
