The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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