I am puke
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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