i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
