I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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