im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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