I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
