just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
