Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
