the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
