just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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