**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
