peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
