I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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