I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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