Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Who did Billy Mays play for?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
