You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
