she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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