Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
