thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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