I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
