Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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