If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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