Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
