do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
