Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
