I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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