Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
