11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
