She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
