New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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