You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
