he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
jump out the window naked night went bad
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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