dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
