Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
