That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize