I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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