I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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