My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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