I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was CRYING into my vagina
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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