I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
