One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Terrible idea I love it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
