I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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