if only i could text you this smell
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
