The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
