I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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