So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
