dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
